Category: Family

Brothers and Sisters II: Audience

Silva

We have a problem in our relationships.  If you’re single, you’ve likely struggled with this problem.  If you’re married, I could show you how you have the same issue. When it comes to relational intelligence, we stink.  I’ve mentioned several reasons for this in previous posts using K-I-S-S-I-N-G as a doorway for discussion.  My most recent post (of a similar name) pointed out that our married relational problems oftentimes stem from our pre-married relational conduct.  In other words, once you’re married, you’re playing like you practiced.

Last time, we looked at the first of three aspects of living as brothers and sisters.  Authority had to do with the playbook; the rulebook.  It’s a fair question: how do you know when you’re doing it right?

Should you kiss?  How do you know?

Should you stop your hands at hers or are her other parts within the limit?  How do you know?

Should you open up your hopes and dreams to him even though you only recently met?  How do you know?

What are the answers to the “how do you know?” questions? This is authority’s question.  Many would say, “whatever both people agree on.”  That’s the standard answer, I’d agree.  What if the two parties don’t agree?  Who is right?  Does she win or does he?  How do you arbitrate?  Most often I think the answer lingers at “whatever I feel comfortable with.”  Our “default” setting is me.  What if “me” is not right?

If I choose the wrong authority, and, therefore, the wrong standards, then at least two people are in for some trouble.  Also last time, I asserted that many Christians default to this standard and in so doing basically claim that the Bible has nothing to say to us.  That’s a serious issue as well: what else are we willing to say is outside of the reach of the Bible?

Why do we do this?  Christian, why do you turn away from the Bible’s guidance in your relationships?

Audience.  I think it has to do with audience. Now, how you answer these questions of authority reflect your intended audience.  What I mean is “who are you trying to please?”  You know what I mean by this.  Have you ever done a job for a co-worker or a friend and done something similar for a boss or authority figure?  Isn’t there a slight (or more) up-tick in quality for the latter rather than the former?  Especially when bonuses are at stake?

Who are they?  The audiences, I mean.  For whom do you do what you do?  It’s pretty simple, actually.  Whoever sits on your heart’s throne – who’s opinion matters most to you – is your audience.  Whatever rule book he (she) uses, you use.  We do all things for a reason and that reason is always a person.  Who’s the person?  Who are the choices?  There’s “me,” and “God.”  That’s it.  In other words, you do what you do either for your own good, glory and gain or for God’s.

This is seen in many places:

The Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17)

The Two Great Commandments (Matthew 22:37-40)

The Royal Law (James 2:8)

The Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)

The Only-Love-Matters (Galatians 5:6)

The Act-Like Men (1 Corinthians 16:14).

In these passages we are repeatedly directed first to God and then to others; never to ourselves.  There are only three personal actors in the universe and it is strange that never are we told to act only for our own good.  But we are regularly (repeatedly) told to act for God’s and for others.

In the Bible in 2 Corinthians 5, Paul tells us that we should live in such a way (by faith: 5:7) as Christ is pleased (5:9), “So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him [Christ].”  Christians know what this is like – but we all do, really.  We all live for whoever or whatever is most important to us – our treasure drives our heart (Matthew 6:21).

Christians would say that Christ is our audience.  I would believe any Christian (at first) who made this claim.  But the issue is not so simple (says Jeremiah).  Let’s backtrack a little: say you are in a relationship with a girl (guy).  Whoever is involved competes for the title “audience.”  By that I mean the one who sits on the heart’s throne.  If you’re trying to impress her, you’ll do whatever she wants because you want her to think much of you (you’re the audience).  Her approval, affection, attentiveness – whatever – is what you long for, so you’ll shape your behavior so that you’ll get what you want.

The other way to do this relationship is that God would be the audience.  It would be for His pleasure, for the good of His church, according to His plan and His rules.  This foundational commitment is found in places like 1 Corinthians 10:31 or Colossians 3:23.

How do you know for which audience you are living?  What rules are you using?  Audience starts with authority, but you already knew that.

Is this you? Why?

Silva

This morning I read the USA Today headline: Most religious groups in USA have lost ground, survey finds. Interesting.  Surely there are poorly managed denominations, others that believe strange things, still others that have storied histories.

Then, I was browsing on Drudge and I found the following article: More Americans Losing Religion. Embedded there was this:

Fifteen percent of respondents said they had no religion, an increase from 14.2 percent in 2001 and 8.2 percent in 1990, according to the American Religious Identification Survey.

affiliated-faiths

Why would it be true that fewer people are religious?  Is this you?  Why?


What will we say?

Silva

Part of my morning ritual (as of late) is to spend time reading the Bible and then reading things written by some old dead guys.  I don’t normally have this stuff laying around, I use the Free Grace Broadcaster.  I’ve been reading in one whose title is “The Godly Home.”  In it, there’s an article by A.W. Pink (1886-1952).  He was a Baptist preacher and writer in England. The title of the article is “Family Worship.”  He goes right for the jugular almost immediately:

There are some very important outward ordinances and means of grace which are plainly implied in the Word of God but for the exercise of which we have few if any plain and positive precept….An important end is answered by this arrangement: trial is thereby made of the state of our hearts.

Translation: some of us fail to have family worship because we don’t see examples of it in the Bible.  But, what if it is “plainly implied”?

It serves to make evident whether, because an expressed command cannot be brought requiring its performance, professing Christians will neglect a duty plainly implied.  Thus, more of the real state of our minds is discovered, and it is made manifest whether we have or have not an ardent love for God and for His service.

Translation: our failure to have family devotions speaks to our level of devotion to Christ.  And, our understanding of our responsibilities as Christian Parents. He then goes on to prove from Scripture that there is mandate enough to command our efforts at family devotion (Genesis 18:19; 12:7; 13:4; Galatians 3:29 & John 8:39; Joshua 24:15; 2 Samuel 6:20; Job 1:5; Daniel 6:10; see also Deuteronomy 6:4-9, Proverbs 22:6, Ephesians 6:4).

An old writer said, “A family without corporate prayer is like a house without a roof, open and exposed to all the storms of heaven.”  All our domestic comforts and temporal mercies issue from the lovingkindness of the Lord and the best we can do in return is to gratefully acknowledge, together, His goodness to us as a family.  Excuses against the discharge of this sacred duty are idle and worthless.  Of what avail will it be when we render an account to God for the stewardship of our families to say that we had not time available, working hard from morn till eve?

Translation: “Lord, I was really busy at [work, sport, leisure] and my family, we were also really busy at [work, sports, leisure] so we didn’t have time to devote ourselves.”  Or “The kids just have to get up so early for school.”  Or “I just have to get up and leave so early for work and we’re so tired at the end of the day.”

No one would quarrel with the fact that family devotions are difficult.  But the stakes are high, no?  How many voices are out there in our culture that beckon a child to the Cross for devotion and worship?  On the contrary, there is not a single one.  Could that be by design?  Parents are supposed to be the primary and first voice.

What makes “Christian Parenting” Christian?  Isn’t it that we are primarily committed to the faith-lives of our children?  Isn’t it that we order our lives and family activities so that our children can grow in the fear of the Lord (Proverbs 1:7) and the knowledge “of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God  (Colossians1:9-10)?

Can we say we’re really taking our responsibility as Christian parents seriously if the sum of our efforts are academics, athletics and career? Or, do we think we’ve met the requirement because our children are involved in some kind of children’s ministry program at a church?

Did you ever stop to consider why are these around, anyway?  Parental failure.  Like God “permitting” divorce because of our sinfulness (Matthew 19:8), God has permitted successful Children’s ministries because as a general rule, we as parents are pitifully devoted to the faith of our children.  (My own failures as a faith-imparting parent are surely bolstered by the rich ministry my children receive at church.  Thank God.)

Few would make such an admission of pitiful devotion to our children’s faith.  But, in light of our typical weekly schedules, no admission is necessary: the proof is obvious.

Hey, we’ve all got plenty of room to grow.  Yet, our past failures will not be a valid reason for our failure.  Are the resources of heaven not sufficient to generate time and energy for your family devotions?

By the way, quit saying you don’t know how to start.

Here’s some help: