(11/10/10) It has been two years since I posted this bombshell. It continues to be one of the posts that gathers the most attention. I think that’s interesting so I thought I’d return to this post to “freshen it up…”
I recently finished reading an ugly book, “Guyland” by Michael Kimmel. I say it’s ugly because it lays out the milieu in which our young boys and men must live and it is ugly. Read long enough (not too long, actually) and you’ll see that there continues to be wholesale assaults on our sexuality. This is both interesting and not surprising. We are sexual beings and for us the inclination to live sexually is normal, even built in. I’ve often asked folks what is the purpose of sex drive, anyway? Beyond the obvious, it is the one thing that takes our minds off of ourselves and onto another. Now, we pervert and misuse this built-in inclination, but it is there nonetheless.
That’s what this post is about. Sure, it’s about kissing, but inasmuch as K-I-S-S-I-N-G represents how we live as sexual beings. Small behaviors provide windows into larger heart issues. PDA (premarital displays of affection) are oftentimes quite small (i.e., holding hands, frontal hugs or kissing) and so it all seems unimportant and my attention to it all the more outrageous or even offensive.
When I wrote this post, I asked for consideration of its content. One question that I did not ask was “why not refrain from PDA?” The energy to defeat these proposals was vigorous, why was that? Here’s the post again in totality and I’d invite answers to these two questions.
I love kissing. I’ve been doing it for longer than I should’ve been. Now, that’s both bad and just a fact. Fact is, I think men and women shouldn’t kiss until they’re married. Now, you know what I mean: K-I-S-S-I-N-G (not just pecking; or holy kisses: Rom. 16:16, 1 Co. 16:20, 2 Co. 13:12, 1 Thess. 5:26, 1 Pet. 5:14). In fact, I have 11 reasons why non-married, dating-or-not folks shouldn’t kiss. See what you think:
- Witnessing purity will go out the window; purity means “pure” not slightly pure
- It is committing sexual sin: “porneia” (Greek New Testament word) = any sexual immorality at all; I think that means acting like a married person before it is time
- There is no biblical reason to kiss and no biblical examples of non married people being intimate
- You are stealing from the future
- It is proof of the flesh winning the battle; i.e., failure to exercise self control
- It will complicate everything; you won’t be able to know each other truly because you’ve known someone sexually
- If you have any sexual history, it will become alive again; you will be battling old temptations and practices
- Your significant others’ sexual history may become alive again
- Each time you meet, you would be fighting not to be consumed with each other physically; it will dominate your thoughts
- It shows that you don’t respect each other enough to save yourself
- You will likely be committing spiritual adultery – loving someone more than Christ; if you loved Christ, you’d treat people like sisters and brothers and not spouses
I think it is easy to say small occurrences of PDA are harmless. Except that they aren’t really. Every act of PDA no matter how small had its origins in our hearts. What happens there is not small. It’s big enough to move you to act, isn’t it?
I guess, I’d want to see good reason for kissing. The Bible clearly tells us to treat each other like siblings and not spouses until we’re spouses. It tells us to refrain from sexual immorality. It tells us to stay pure. It tells us to maintain fidelity to Jesus Christ.
Can you kiss and tell Christ?