Category: Fidelity

The boy doesn’t…pay back evil for evil

Silva

Who is good enough for my daughter?  Parents regularly say that only those “good enough” can date or marry our children, right?  I wonder if most of us have figured out what that means before it’s too late (e.g., bubba just rang the door bell)?  In other words, what type of boy will I let in the front door?

We continue this short series on the character qualities of the kind of boy that I want to hear ask me for my daughter’s hand.  First was, courage.  Today’s is that he shouldn’t be inclined to pay back evil for evil.

The Bible is clear enough that when it comes to vengeance or retribution, only God is expert enough to handle it.  Thankfully, this evidence is clearly stated,

Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord (Romans 12:19)

O LORD, O God of vengeance, O God of vengeance shine forth! (Psalm 94:1)

Still, we try.  Clear examples are all around us.  For many (especially boys), it’s on the ball field.  Surely the boy will find himself on what we used to call the “field of friendly strife” (i.e., athletic field).  When he does, he will be learning important lessons about life and about his place in it.  I spoke to a good friend recently about how when boys get on the field, each one is desperately trying to establish and maintain his place of prowess in light of all the rest.  Sometimes the overflow of this is seen in red cards (soccer), face-masks (football), hitting a batter (baseball) or charging (basketball).  When it happens, you can be sure that one has challenged another’s position in the rankings.  These challenges are evil.  Strictly speaking they are retributions, punishments, and vengeance-efforts.

Will a boy resort to this?

  • Will his lifestyle be one of “bowing up” or “kicking against the goads”?  Is his answer to authority to always resist and sometimes rebel?

Listen dad, you, out there, parenting that boy that will one day show up at my door.  Sure, every man has his moment but I will turn him away faster than he can say “bonehead” if his lifestyle resembles these things.  And I should and so should you.

Just why do we think God would take the time to state, illustrate and command us that He is One in charge of justice and vengeance?  Clearly, it is because we are so prone to want to be judge, jury and executioner.  As we parent our boys, do we instill in them the vengeance-ethic?  “Real men don’t take that crap.”  “Real men don’t get run over like that.”  “Men don’t get mad they get even.”  We secretly believe this slimy code of conduct and we inculcate it in our young boys.  For the sake of my daughters, don’t do it.

In a stroke of what was clearly the wisdom from above, I recently had a conversation with my son about this issue.  Of course, we started on the field of friendly strife and ventured into other fields.  Namely, what to do when you’re in the hen house and another rooster wants to fight?  Enough of the metaphor: he tackled a kid in football, the kid got up and tackled him from behind after the play.  What do we do with this?  I detected in my son a couple of response options rolling around in his head: a) quit the game to deal with the embarrassment, b) bust the kid’s head or c)??.  He was dealing with a) and c).  What does a boy do when, in the front of all of his peers, he’s the victim of a vengeful act?  What would God have him do?

(Here’s where the wisdom from above came in).  I told him that vengeance belongs to the Lord and if he were to have busted the kid’s head, that would’ve been sin.  I convinced him that leaving the field was bad for several reasons not the least of which is that the other kid’s act was sinful, and God tells us to confront sinners (Luke 17:3, Matthew 18:15, Galatians 6:1).  So, dad tells boy that next time, he turn, and confront the kid on his actions – put the ball in his hands (so to speak) – and stand there and wait to see what happens.  “Let God work on that kid’s heart” I said.  Predictably, boy asks dad, “What if he gets mad and comes after me?”  I told my little warrior that he stand firm, wrap him up and help him remember that interactions of this sort are costly for him (there were warriors in Israel, remember).

Not wanting that to be the last word then (or here), we ended on the process: play fair, confront as needed, stand firm and defend thoroughly as appropriate.

Listen, dads, if a boy shows up on my door with a battle record that reveals truth, tenacity, and self-defense, we’ll move on to other areas gladly.  If not, then he’ll be home early.

The boy has…courage

Silva

“He will grow out of “goofy” by it is hard to grow into courage.”  A while back I wrote a post titled, “Look who’s at the door for my daughter…” because my oldest daughter is old enough to notice and be noticed by boys.  I remember those days; in fact, when I was her age I was dating the girl who would be my wife in years to come.  These posts are as much for her as they are for anyone.  But, in accord with my God-given role and responsibility to guide my children through the vicissitudes of life, these posts are for me, too.

Courage is a must.  Parents and children are like anyone else: we get sidetracked by nonsense.  Just where do we rank the boy’s career aspirations?  His choice of college?  What he drives?  These things are essential elements of the constellation of character qualities that the boy must have, no doubt.  But at the center or (better) the core? Courage.

What does courage do?  How does it impact the boy and why does that matter to me?

  1. Courage leads the boy to stand on his identity in Jesus Christ.  “Who am I?”  is a question that turns grown men into sobbing heaps.  A young man will (he thinks) have the dog of life by the snout.  Perhaps.  One day that dog will loose his grip and sink his teeth into that boy, then what?  Christ is the Rock upon which His people stand and cannot be moved.  His grades, his looks, his failures, his income, his ambition – all these things flow from the point of the Cross and it takes courage to take hold.  I see it all the time: dads and men who lack the courage to live with Christ.
  2. Courage leads the boy to stand against the sin that lurks in his own heart and threatens others (like my daughter). Does the boy see what I see?  What my daughter sees?  Will he recognize the darkness tha lurks in his heart waiting for an opportunity to strike?  Or, does he fear his own heart?  The world, the flesh and the devil are our historic enemies.  James 4:4 tells me that we can’t be friends with the world and with God; courage leads the boy to be the enemy of the world.  James 3:8 says that his tongue is full of deadly poison, poison that if he doesn’t stand against will sicken and harm my daughter.  Of course, 1 Peter 5:8 says the devil prowls looking for victims – will he succumb?  Will he lead others to succumb?  Courage will say, “no.”
  3. Courage will lead the boy to stand firm in the midst of uncertainty. Just how much certainty is there in life?  Job certainty?  Nope.  Health certainty?  Nope.  Relational certainty?  Nope.  Financial certainty?  Nope.  Certainty of peace?  Nope.  This is what amazes me about adults: we really think that we have control.  We really think that our hands are the ones on the wheel.  Even Christian men who should know better (based on clear texts like Matthew 6:30 or Psalm 135:5-6).  Does the boy live with the reality of uncertainty?  How does he deal with it?  Will he crumble underneath failure?  Will he hold to what is certain: Jesus Christ?  He must have the capacity and willingness to run to the Cross as a scared son would run to his father in times of fear.
  4. Courage will lead the boy to take risks to follow Christ. All those who would say that Christ makes everything easier in life live in a dream land.  Christ gives hope as no One else can do and it is a good thing, too, since He calls us to lives of sacrifice and cross-bearing.  I mean, seriously, walking with Christ is like buddy-climbing a negative slope – the view is unparalleled but the work is grueling.  Yet, the climb will end in what is truly incomparable.  Is he willing to follow where Christ leads?  Does he see himself as an instrument in God’s hands to do His bidding?  No one older than 30 lives without regret; and those times of regret are usually populated by the fear of following Christ.  “I did it my way” is the broad path to destruction and disappointment and it is cowardly.
  5. Courage will lead the boy to stand against the sins of his in-laws. I know me and I know that if he is unwilling to appropriately rebuke me, then we have a problem.  To be sure, I know my daughter better than he does (in the beginning) but that doesn’t give me license to be a helicopter-in-law.  I take “leaving and cleaving” seriously and when the boy witnesses our sin, if he has the courage to stand up and be heard, good.  If he doesn’t, then, please: if he won’t rebuke me, will he rebuke anyone?  My daughter?  His meddling parents?  His coarse-jesting friends?
  6. Courage will lead the boy to recognize that he’s just a boy. Boys and foolishness go together.  How does a young man stray from the perils of foolishness?  Step one is to recognize that he’s just a boy, a pup, a chump, a novice.  These are young men who are hungry for mentoring and coaching.  These men recognize that they are little better than teenagers and life is heavy so they approach men who have been weathered by life and have wisdom.  I have personally been trained by such men and I believe my family and I have been spared much as a result.  I was just a boy and (over time) I knew it.  I know a man who once told me that a young man asked him for his daughter’s hand in marriage.  My friend said, “no and here’s why…”  That was a kick in the teeth, but that boy did not shrink back from the task and worked for 2 years to gain my friend’s trust and his consent to marry his daughter.  That’s courage.
  7. Courage will lead the boy to be all that he should be.  Listen, I was in the Army and I worked hard to “be all you can be.”  The deprivation of all kinds, the gravity and weight of the mission, the constant threat of war…yeah, these harden a man.  In the midst of it, though, fear might undo it all.  You can put on the body armor of life and try to mask a quaking spirit – for a time it would work.  Courage, though, carries a boy out of the estate of fear and into the exhilaration of freedom.  Without it, he will never get there.  And, those with him (like my daughter) will not reach there, either.

I can work with courage.

An Open Letter To All Who Might Win in November’s Elections

Silva

Dear Public Servant,

You have already been long embarked on a mission to bring a political agenda to the municipal, state or national stage.  This path seems sometimes long and always arduous.  As a political student, spectator and sometimes participant (as a voter), I thank and commend you for choosing this area of service.  Having served in this nation’s military for years, I recognize the presence of the costs in many areas of your life.  Thank you.  Do not grow weary in this endeavor – see it through.

If you are headed into the November general elections, it seems that God, who rules both the realms of the Church and the State, may prosper your path and place you into a position of influence.  That is exciting!  As you continue your work toward that end, I wanted to write you; even to begin a conversation with you.

First, it is not necessary for you to agree with me that God rules both realms or that He is the one who may grant you success: this is what I believe (and, as a local talk show radio host says, “you’re welcome to it”).  We have for too long judged someone by virtue of his adherence to a religious manifesto (Christian or Secular).  The Founding Fathers saw something different.  Theirs was a commitment to found a country in part for religious freedom.  That really means something, namely, folks should be free to follow the dictates of their conscience.  (At what point did we lose this view?)  Surely their expectation was that men and women of principle (including religious principle) would bring those into governance.  But not so that they could pursue a Christian or Secular nation (any more than a French nation, for example).

It seems to a large degree our public servants have lost their nerve.  Is it because they have navigated away from principles that lead to good government?  “Principles?  Like what?”  Some would say biblical principles; others secular ones.  Something else.

How is it that our nation has prospered over this 200 years with such a varying degree of religious belief and practice? Has it been by force of arms that one group prevailed over another?

How can men and women of legitimate and real differences govern and be governed together?

This is one of those questions that has never been more important.  Scads of young people and other disaffected voters acted in 2008 to usher into political power those who were different than the status quo.  Maybe it was the Democratic Party platform that persuaded these voters; maybe not.  In fact, “hope” and “change” and whatever people annexed to those concepts is what won the day.

This is part of the reason for my letter to you: it is likely that God has prospered your path towards elected office irrespective of your religious beliefs.  That is, in spite of them rather than because of them. This is important for you to consider.  Long many have held that we need more Christians (or non-Christians) in public office simply because the broader goal of politics must surely be a Christian America (or Secular America).  I urge you to search the Bible and you will see that God has no such goal as a Christian or Secular America.  No.  His goals are far different when we start to consider what He has revealed to us in the Bible.  Nor must this encourage those of you who think that secularism should reign.  Neither is true.

I asked earlier how we have succeeded in forging out a national history that has involved men and women of almost every political stripe?  How are we to govern and be governed in our climate of uber-partisanship?

It is not wrong to answer that question by exploring what the founders initially saw as the pathway to governing.  Do we think that we alone live in a time of discord?  Let’s not be so arrogant as to think that our fathers wouldn’t (or didn’t) understand precisely the pressures to govern a disparate and independent people.  Surely, at the headwaters of our founding there were more factions than today!

So, secondly, the Declaration of Independence speaks of several concepts that can guide us and, I hope, you as well.  These are summed as the “laws of nature.”  Among them: distinction-making, decency, self-evident truth, life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, justice, safety, prudence, definitions of evil and patience.  Each of these concepts drawn from the laws of nature were enshrined in our national origins.

Distinction-making.  You ask, “Where is that in the Declaration?”  It is the Declaration.  This document (as every document like it) is where distinction-making either takes place or is recorded.  The colonists categorize in the Declaration the ways in which the Crown acted tyrannically.  These included such things as making laws that were too difficult to obey, calling convocations in locations that made attendance impossible, quartering standing Army troops in peace, etc.  Experiences and burdens that all could agree where not necessary or right.  We wrongly fear distinction-making today.  We eschew calling nations to account for harboring terrorists, for calling out greedy capitalists, for dressing down corrupt government officials or even for equal treatment.  Yet, we cannot govern if we fear making distinctions.  For these things must be done.

Decency.  Turn on the TV and seek examples of decency; ask congressional staffers about examples of decency.  Indecency is rampant – even having touched the White House in years past.  Decency, according to Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary is that which is “morally praiseworthy.”  We go astray if we ask “whose morals?”  (We continue to prove my first point.)  Language, dress, decorum and vocations that advance honor to all men are decent.  That means prostitution, crime, corruption, immodesty, pornography, violence and vulgarity are not honorable and should be restricted by law.  For whom do these things produce decency?

Self-evident truth.  Christianity is not self-evident, nor is any other religious system.  What is?  “That all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights.”  We could’ve handled this one at the top of the list: there are truth principles accessible to all of us at all times that don’t reside in our religious books.  One teacher talked about being “center-thinking” people rather than “fringe-thinking” people.  In other words, when we all consider mainly that which we agree (the center) rather than our disagreements (the fringe) we would see that there is more common ground than uncommon ground.  This list of principles in the Declaration enumerate many of these truths.  Of course, this begs us to consider what is in our “center,”  doesn’t it?

Life.  Who is against life?  To be against it is either to be dead or for death.  Old and young, native and immigrant, male and female: we didn’t earn life, it was a gift to us.  We don’t own it and can’t arbitrarily take it, either.  For example, if we turned on the television and heard a news announcer speak of 50 million dead, would we think, “oh well”?  No!  We’d be right to be outraged: we’d ask “where?” “when?” and “who?”  Fifty million dead is the number of children aborted in our country since Roe v. Wade in 1973.  Scores of thousands are the number of those abandoned mothers with children.  What about those elderly among us who waste away in nursing homes – having given their lives to the raising of families and this nation, do we now let them painfully pass away into the dark of night?  To be pro-life should take many forms.

Liberty.  If we were to take a poll of all ages of all people and ask, “Would you want to be someone’s slave?”  I imagine the answers would be overwhelmingly “no.”  To be free is hard wired into us.  We often pit freedom against security as if we have to choose.  (It stands to be tested whether a nation that governs from the limited center doesn’t also provide the needed safety.)  How often do we harbor resentment and outrage when our liberty and freedom find limits?  Of course, just as it makes sense to people not to be slaves, it also makes sense to consider appropriate limitations on freedom (see below).  “Stop” signs are limitations that we can all agree on, right?  That we all  believe freedom and liberty is essential is without dispute.

The pursuit of happiness.  Do we really not know what this means?  We all pursue happiness.  No one would agree that happiness comes from the structured and intentional advantage of one group and the disadvantage of another.  Group A might be happy but Group B wouldn’t be.  How do we avoid policies that do this?  The only way is to minimize policies.  Limited governance isn’t a Republican idea, it is a common sense and natural one.  With each policy comes unintended consequences that inevitably serve to disadvantage someone.  Public servants must be content with the natural inclinations of the governed: some will zealously pursue some things (to their happiness) while others are content with much less (to their happiness). With such variance in people’s inclinations, how can government aim at anything like fairness or equal opportunity?  Are we so afraid of making distinctions that we won’t look at the preponderance of failed policies that try to do just these things?

Justice.  Liberty, the pursuit of happiness and justice all go together.  But what is justice?  Webster again says, “the administration of law.”  Fairness is lumped in here but it is under the rubric of fair exacting of the administration of justice.  Take immigration policy: if it is against the law to come to this country without following the due process, then it is appropriate to ask for the necessary proof of citizenship when there is warrant and deport as necessary.  Why doesn’t this make sense?  This is especially true in areas where illegal immigration is most rampant.  If illegal immigration is a problem, then we should enforce our current law and reconsider then: too demanding or harsh, too lax, etc.?  Hard but not intolerable conditions in country A, doesn’t justify the breaking of immigration laws in neighboring country B.  This is common sense.  It is unjust if a senator who commits a crime goes unpunished but a citizen committing the same crime is punished.  I’ve never known a toddler who failed to perceive what is just – it is no mystery.

Safety.  Safety finds its way into the Declaration because it fits with liberty, the pursuit of happiness and justice.  Recklessness in governance doesn’t just take the form of armed oppression as we see in Communist countries.  It also takes form in taxation and regulation.  Too little taxation deprives government of the resources it needs to pursue justice and public safety.  Too much taxation deprives families of the resources needed to live.  Regulation is likewise a balance of too little and too much.  No one said freedom would be easy.

Prudence.  Those of us alive when President George H.W. Bush governed us, remember well the little quip from him (or was it Dana Carvey?) about being prudent…Nonetheless, prudence, the ability to govern oneself or to exercise skill and good judgment in the use of resources knows no parochial boundary.  Is debt prudent?  Is waste prudent?  Is rewarding sloth prudent?  Is extravagance prudent?  How hard is it to use this as a means to evaluate how one should govern?  The overwhelming majority of folks use prudence in their daily affairs, how is the exercise to be different in the affairs of state?

Definitions of evil. As I mentioned above, the Founders were not afraid to face reality.  Declaring some things to be good and others to be evil is neither hard nor to be feared.  It is a sign of virtue.  What is good and evil is also neither hard nor to be feared.  We think courage is to deny evil, rather it is to declare and fight it.  Life propels forward upon the straining for the good away from the bad.  Crooks and criminals strain for the good of wealth and satisfaction even as they do it in evil ways.  The state is the agency of justice and therefore must absolutely be willing to call evil by its first name – no matter what that is.  “Political correctness” is a euphemism for cowardice and the perpetuation of evil.  The Founders were willing – as have been many politicians of all categories – to call it like everyone sees it.

Patience.  Call this “vision”: it is pitiful that our threshold of vision is an election cycle.  The number of policies that have been written and signed into law that go into effect after an election cycle are legion – and shameful.  If officials are not willing to live with a policy immediately, then how will it be more palatable afterward?  Does bad news get better with time?  Men and women of principle need to apprehend an important fact: what we live in was not built in one or two (or ten) election cycles.  Rather, it has been growing upon the foundation of our Founding Documents for hundreds of years now.  Whether it survives into the future depends in part on whether our elected officials can muster the courage required to be visionaries and to patiently pursue it.

#  #

The founders presumed upon the common apprehension of these natural laws.  They didn’t believe these to be the province of a religious or an a-religious few but of all people.  These are things we all know.  Of course, to the degree that they intersect with a political platform, good.  If not, that part of the platform must change. We might want to stop accusing each other of pandering to special interest groups; we all do it, for dog-dog.  Instead, why don’t we, with fortitude and vision, adopt principles common to all man and right this ship?  Will that be you?

If you ride the wave of election into office in November and beyond, please remember that it isn’t enough to just “throw the bums out.”  Rather, governance must be principled for it to be effective.  If you want to tell me that you’re a Christian (or not) fine.  What matters most to me in your role of public official is whether you will adopt common sense governing principles and the role of people’s servant.