Category: courage

“Am I one of those people?”

Silva

This post is for my beloved friends who have recently suffered unexpected tragedy.

Recently, I found myself between two worlds.  In one, I sit in our den, a fire in the fire place with a cup of coffee and an open Bible to the Psalms.  My kids are mingling and oogling around and I dig into the Scriptures with peace (these days it’s Psalm 29).  The other world is in my mind, where recent conversations, events and emails linger and they trouble me.

World 1.  As I read Psalm 29, I am struck by the two voices of the Psalm.  The first voice is ours: verses 1-2 command that all creatures give God praise, “Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name” (v.2) is an apt summary.  The voice of the created is praise.  Verses 3-11 characterize the voice of God, the second voice.  His is one of great power: “the voice of the Lord flashes forth with flames of fire” (v.7) is a good summary.  Even more the end of the Psalm highlights God is enthroned as king forever: a king whose voice is power.

This, with the last part of the psalm, is what strikes me:

May the LORD give strength to His people!  May the LORD bless His people with peace!

World 2.  There’s the rub.  As I look into the events of life I see things that are apparently inconsistent with the power and blessing of God.  I recall the emails and phone calls with good friends who’ve suddenly lost jobs, fathers, mothers, babies and income.  Those things, also, appear inconsistent with the power and blessing of God.  So, this Psalm, though it promises wonderful blessings for the people of God, combined with the events of life (mine included), leaves me to wonder “Am I one of those people?”

Life in World 2, Christian, makes you wonder if there’s something that you have done for which you are being punished.  Perhaps you wonder as I did above if you are even one of God’s children?  You doubt the power of God’s voice of Psalm 29 and think, “If God is so powerful, then why couldn’t He stop this?”  Or worse: the costs of walking with this God are starting to rise in your heart and with it, your fears.  “If He is willing to take my baby, then what else?”  “If He won’t answer my prayers for the salvation of my mother, then what else?”  Peter’s words ring in our ears and we, too, wonder at its answer “God, I have given up everything to follow You, and this is what happens?”

You fear these thoughts.  But you have them nonetheless.  Yet, Christian, something else inside you tells you you’ve got it all wrong.  The pain and anxiety is as close as a fleeting thought but, if you are honest, you can’t just simply clench your fist and cry out to God and say, “This is wrong and You are wrong!”  Oh, but the events in your life pull you to statements like that with power that is so very strong.  It almost feels right to lash out, “How can the answer to my faithfulness be such pain from you, O God?”  But, still, you linger on the outside of total devastation because something inside you tells you you’ve got it all wrong.

How do I know?  How can you see it?  It’s the voice.  That voice, the voice of the God of power, has something to say to you and me.  Though you may not be ready to hear it, He has words for you in the midst of this terror and pain.

Read on: Psalm 30.  Verses 2-3:

O LORD God, I cried to you for help and you have healed me.  O LORD, you have brought up my soul from the grave; you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.

Soul-life and restoration: our destination.  But the pathway is often brutal: don’t miss that these words assume the Psalmist was in great trouble: he was sick or diseased, perhaps he was even on death’s bed.  Why was he there?  Why did God do that?  What was the point of covenanting with a people and then bringing them to the bed of death and trouble?  We might want to go straight to the fact that the Psalmist cried out to God and He answered.  We avoid thinking of the portrait of God at the helm of such devastation for it is too much to behold.  Yet, we can’t miss the fact that you and the Psalmist are in the same bed: suffering, tragedy and pain.

Why?  No answer.  Why? No answer, again.  Why? Just no answer.

It’s not as simple as “God’s trying to test me,” or “He must be about to bless me, so He’s preparing me,” or “I must’ve deserved it,” or some other ultra-simplistic, terribly unsatisfying answer.  In our efforts to make life understandable, we make it domesticated.  In the process, we shrink God down to size and our hope goes with Him.  Can you simply locate the death of a baby in the womb?  Is that satisfyingly explained by “this is just a sinful world”?  We think we’re being noble and wise by trying to explain the inexplicable and unbelievable tragedy away with some pithy Christian bookstore coffee-cup answer.  Don’t be tempted; it will not act as balm on the pain.  You will not be satisfied and then you’ll look at God with anger as if He is the culprit.  No, go back to the voice of power.  That’s where the answers lie.

In Psalm 30, we can’t miss that the Psalmist DID cry out to God.  He knew from Scripture and his own experiences that the voice of God was indeed one of power and blessing.  And the result of the psalmist’s cry was God’s action.   But, perhaps not as he intended.

Verses 4-5 are helpfully honest:

Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name.  For His anger is but for a moment, and His favor is for a lifetime.  Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Saints.  Anger and favor.  Moments and lifetime.  Weeping and joy.  Night and morning.  These are like puzzle pieces from different boxes all jumbled together.  They don’t seem to fit for us; we assume the puzzle is flawed and we throw it away.  Then we resolve never to buy another from that company.  But, wait a moment, what if the puzzle is more complicated than we thought?  What if these pieces ARE meant to be in the same box; even the same life?  What if the portrait they depict is far richer and full of wonder with more depth and complexity than we imagine?

  • Wouldn’t that be glorious?

Christian friends, beloved of God and saints, the truth is that God is powerful in ways that can’t be imitated or even explained.  Just so, He is wise and purposeful.  Yet also, He is loving, dedicated and in full-on covenant with you.  “God is love” is written for you.  You will search the Scriptures and your own experience and find these things to be as obvious as true.  This is not a simple puzzle: He unleashes the angels of death while at the same time commissioning the angels of comfort and ministry.  They stand side by side executing different pieces of the same plan.  Neither one nor the other is on his own; together and at different times in different ways on the same piece of real estate: your life, they do the bidding of the King.

Wait, friends, for Joy comes in the morning.  He has a name:

I, Jesus have sent my angel to testify to you about these things for the church.  I am the root and the descendant of David, the bright morning star. (Revelation 22:16)

Remember that the voice of the created is praise.  Our circumstances – world #2 – can’t convince us that the voice of God is powerless.  In Christ, you are one of those people recipients of the power of God.  Though its power is sometimes clothed in tragedy, its end is not.  Praise will come in the morning.

The Boy is…kind to his mother

Silva

We have all seen him.  Today, he has most of his hair hanging down crossways over his face draping over him like a valance as he leans against the wall.  He has developed an involuntary twitch that tosses that hair out of his eyes for a brief moment only to see it return (he doesn’t seem to grow weary of it).  He clearly thinks black skinny jeans are suitable to wear with oversized Vans shoes sporting off-colored laces and the tongue flopped way over.  (The potential message in all that apparel is another post.) The other involuntary twitch developed by him is his hand reaching for his phone so he can be ready at a moment’s notice to text that ALL important sonnet to his adoring followers.

In walks his mother.  Like a silent movie, you see her speak to him.  He hardly moves, his hand and face in close communion as he reads an ALL important text just received.  Even without making eye contact with her we see in his facial contortions that he’s heard her words.  Once his fuzzy chin returns to rest, his eyes roll over and you wonder if he’s going to through them at her.  She persists and so does he.  Her facial features harden and his become more sullen.  She raises her hand to gesticulate for effect, he turns briskly and returns to his face and phone-in-hand close communion.  She takes one or two steps as if to follow, then stops.  He does not.

Sad picture?  It is.  I wonder how often it is repeated in the homes of our child-obsessed culture.  Strange isn’t it?  That we create and maintain this culture that turns its head towards us in disdain?  Who’s to blame: the parents or the children?  The culture?  The media?  Engaging in the blame game is a waste.  This boy is wrong for treating his mother this way and I don’t have to point to anything other than him.  Sure this is a potential problem for parent-child relational development; no one wants to be estranged from his son into adulthood!

Yet this is about bigger things.  This series is about the kind of man who may lead and love my daughters in marriage.  So, the real question is at what point did I learn that I needed to be kind to my wife?  How are these things related?  Think about it: where do I meet my first woman?  When?  When, first, do I have to have meaningful communication with a member of the opposite sex?  Where do I learn that men and women are different and that plays out practically?  Where and how may I “practice” living as a man with a woman in honor and dignity?

  • At home with mom.

Fast forward 8 years and what will this young man likely be doing around women?  Will it look differently than when he stood before his mom?  Not likely.  If little changes, it isn’t likely that he’ll have become a man of honor, decorum, attention, love or respect.  He won’t likely have learned to be selfless and giving, kind and patient, reflective and courageous.  It is possible of course, miracles of that order happen all the time (thank God).  Yet, as a parent, am I missing the opportunity to teach my son how to live with a wife because I don’t see his interaction with his mom in that light?  By allowing him to live with his mama in any old way chalking it up to “being a boy”?  Is my “training” only erecting fences around him that say, “Honor your father and mother!” and say no more?  Is parenting only about protection or is there more?

There IS more!  God has given us a great advantage in the presence of a godly, mature, visionary, loving and faithful woman – my wife – in the training of my son.  His wife will reap the fruit of what my dear wife, his mom, is sowing.  Mom’s and Dad’s have to see in their homes the training ground for marriage.  In my home I have daughters who will at some point (Lord willing) be sought as wives.

What do I do when that time comes?  I plan to say, “Honey, if he’s rough with his mom, stay away from him.  He’ll be rough with you.”  “If he’s disrespectful to his mom, he’ll be disrespectful to you.”  “If he mocks his mom, he’ll scorn you.”  “If he lies to his mom, he’ll cheat on you.”  “If he steals from his mom, he’ll manipulate you.”

Boy, learn to be kind to your mother.  Your marriage might depend on it.

The boy doesn’t…pay back evil for evil

Silva

Who is good enough for my daughter?  Parents regularly say that only those “good enough” can date or marry our children, right?  I wonder if most of us have figured out what that means before it’s too late (e.g., bubba just rang the door bell)?  In other words, what type of boy will I let in the front door?

We continue this short series on the character qualities of the kind of boy that I want to hear ask me for my daughter’s hand.  First was, courage.  Today’s is that he shouldn’t be inclined to pay back evil for evil.

The Bible is clear enough that when it comes to vengeance or retribution, only God is expert enough to handle it.  Thankfully, this evidence is clearly stated,

Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord (Romans 12:19)

O LORD, O God of vengeance, O God of vengeance shine forth! (Psalm 94:1)

Still, we try.  Clear examples are all around us.  For many (especially boys), it’s on the ball field.  Surely the boy will find himself on what we used to call the “field of friendly strife” (i.e., athletic field).  When he does, he will be learning important lessons about life and about his place in it.  I spoke to a good friend recently about how when boys get on the field, each one is desperately trying to establish and maintain his place of prowess in light of all the rest.  Sometimes the overflow of this is seen in red cards (soccer), face-masks (football), hitting a batter (baseball) or charging (basketball).  When it happens, you can be sure that one has challenged another’s position in the rankings.  These challenges are evil.  Strictly speaking they are retributions, punishments, and vengeance-efforts.

Will a boy resort to this?

  • Will his lifestyle be one of “bowing up” or “kicking against the goads”?  Is his answer to authority to always resist and sometimes rebel?

Listen dad, you, out there, parenting that boy that will one day show up at my door.  Sure, every man has his moment but I will turn him away faster than he can say “bonehead” if his lifestyle resembles these things.  And I should and so should you.

Just why do we think God would take the time to state, illustrate and command us that He is One in charge of justice and vengeance?  Clearly, it is because we are so prone to want to be judge, jury and executioner.  As we parent our boys, do we instill in them the vengeance-ethic?  “Real men don’t take that crap.”  “Real men don’t get run over like that.”  “Men don’t get mad they get even.”  We secretly believe this slimy code of conduct and we inculcate it in our young boys.  For the sake of my daughters, don’t do it.

In a stroke of what was clearly the wisdom from above, I recently had a conversation with my son about this issue.  Of course, we started on the field of friendly strife and ventured into other fields.  Namely, what to do when you’re in the hen house and another rooster wants to fight?  Enough of the metaphor: he tackled a kid in football, the kid got up and tackled him from behind after the play.  What do we do with this?  I detected in my son a couple of response options rolling around in his head: a) quit the game to deal with the embarrassment, b) bust the kid’s head or c)??.  He was dealing with a) and c).  What does a boy do when, in the front of all of his peers, he’s the victim of a vengeful act?  What would God have him do?

(Here’s where the wisdom from above came in).  I told him that vengeance belongs to the Lord and if he were to have busted the kid’s head, that would’ve been sin.  I convinced him that leaving the field was bad for several reasons not the least of which is that the other kid’s act was sinful, and God tells us to confront sinners (Luke 17:3, Matthew 18:15, Galatians 6:1).  So, dad tells boy that next time, he turn, and confront the kid on his actions – put the ball in his hands (so to speak) – and stand there and wait to see what happens.  “Let God work on that kid’s heart” I said.  Predictably, boy asks dad, “What if he gets mad and comes after me?”  I told my little warrior that he stand firm, wrap him up and help him remember that interactions of this sort are costly for him (there were warriors in Israel, remember).

Not wanting that to be the last word then (or here), we ended on the process: play fair, confront as needed, stand firm and defend thoroughly as appropriate.

Listen, dads, if a boy shows up on my door with a battle record that reveals truth, tenacity, and self-defense, we’ll move on to other areas gladly.  If not, then he’ll be home early.