“It’s Not Fair.”

“God made me this way.”

“No, He really didn’t.”

“So, I’m supposed to deny these feelings and act like they don’t exist?  I have struggled with this attraction my whole life; as long as I can remember.  I’ve finally realized it is how God made me and I need to go with it. ”

“You can’t ‘go with it’ because it’s against God’s way.”

“So, I have to struggle while you get to go home to your wife?  How is that fair?”

“This isn’t about fairness.”

“That’s easy for you to say!  You have sexual urges and you get to follow them until they’re satisfied and God calls that ‘good” and I don’t?  It isn’t fair.  I don’t even have the desire to have a wife!”

“You’re right; I get to do those things and God calls them ‘good.’  You don’t.  I’m sorry.”

“See?  I told you.  How is it ‘good’ that you have urges and attraction for a woman and you can follow them but I have urges and attractions for men and I can’t?  What’s the difference?  And, tell me how that’s fair!”

“When God first made all of this and He made a male and a female and gave them the job of being fruitful and multiplying, that’s how it was always supposed to be.  Now, after their sin, it’s different.  When it comes to sexuality, some of us have the desires for women and some don’t.”

“Was I born with this or not?”

“Born with what?”

“Born a gay man.”


“What about science?  Science says that men can be born gay.”

“I don’t think there’s any scientific proof that a person is born gay.  Even if there was, what do you do with what the Bible says?”

“I know you’re going to tell me that the Bible clearly condemns homosexual activity.  And, I know you’ll tell me that someone who lives a homosexual lifestyle won’t go to heaven.  And, I know you’ll tell me that homosexual activity is not the unforgivable sin and anyone can repent and turn to Christ and be saved.  But I think the Bible wasn’t talking about those of us who have an easy, natural desire for the same sex.  For committed and consensual and faithful relationships.”

“The Bible doesn’t pick and choose and call some homosexual activities sin and others not sin.  All sexual activity – of any type – outside of marriage between a man and a woman is forbidden.  A single guy could easily argue the same thing you’re arguing: that his desires to fornicate shouldn’t be denied because they are so easy and natural.  But, he – like you – has to remain chaste just as I have to remain faithful to my one wife.”

“Well, you’re still not telling me how that’s fair.”

“Are you saying ‘fair’ is the ability to do whatever your desires dictate and ‘unfair’ is having to deny them?”


“OK.  What if I wanted to steal something – and I am always looking for ways to steal.  I think about it, I plot to do it, I rehearse it in my mind, I steal a little bit here and there just for practice, stealing just fires me up and I can’t wait to do it.  OK?”


“Then, you come along and tell me that I can’t steal because the Bible forbids it.  I protest that as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to steal.  That I think about stealing all the time.  That when I’m in the midst of a plan to steal or the actual stealing, I feel on top of the world and invigorated like nothing else.  What would you say?”

“You’d have to stop.”

“What if I responded by ‘You can’t tell me to stop; I think I was born to steal.  That’s not fair.'”

“That’s not the same.”

“How?  What’s the difference between having an attraction to other men (as a man) and having an attraction to being a thief?  You don’t think there are people out there whose passion for stealing rivals any passion for sex?”


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