Category: Family

Why I should hate the phrase, “Woe is me.”

Silva

Most people are quickly discouraged in their lives.  Joy in some circumstances is hard, in most is even harder and in all circumstances seems impossible.   We have good intentions: we might start out well in the morning, our devotions done and prayers prayed. Yet the first ankle-biter issue in life turns us over into the sour pusses that we had hoped to avoid.  We capitulate faster than you can say “woe is me.”  “Wait a minute,” you say, “Woe is me?  Are you saying the difficulties of life are all my fault?”  The cause?  No; that wouldn’t be fair.  But the response is all you and all me.

It is not as if life isn’t hard.  I was recently reminded of this when we heard a church family had just a baby who might have Down’s Syndrome.  Hard indeed.  Life’s bowl of cherries has pits that break teeth.  It’s not going to do us any good to ignore the difficulty.  No one has true joy by ignoring circumstances; that’s a fool’s errand.  Eventually, we’ll go crazy in our little make believe worlds.

No, the world is to be faced.  And it is a hard world.

I like movies.  I particularly like the movie “A Knight’s Tale.”  Now there are parts of it that aren’t so good, but there’s one scene in the movie that will help here.  The main character, Ulrich Von Licthenstein, is a tournament jouster.  In one exchange his opponent cracked his armor.  He had to go to a smithy and have it fixed.  He found one, a woman named Kate.  Kate, he found out, had come up with her own way to heat steel and make stronger armor out of less steel.  The effect was a very light yet strong suit of armor for Ulrich; like Knight’s UnderArmor.

It certainly looked different than the other knights’ armor.  In fact, the next time he jousted, he got laughed at by the other men for his armor.  That is, until he was able to mount his horse like he was wearing no armor – that got their attention since none of them could do that.

In fact, those knights had armor that made jousting difficult: apparently it was very heavy and didn’t move well.  As if trying to stay on a horse that’s galloping, holding a lance, trying to strike the opponent in a meaningful way and avoid getting hit and falling off the horse weren’t difficult enough!

Here’s how it touches what we’re considering: life, like jousting, is difficult.  The question is:

  • What do we “put on” that makes living in it even harder?

I’m talking about perspectives, demands, views, commitments and hopes.  What I mean is that what we believe about life can either help us tackle it or make it even harder to tackle.

Here’s an example.  I think Christians often put on a viewpoint that thinks much of the power of our own sin and circumstances to crush and discourage us and little of the power of our Savior to strengthen and save us.    We think things like, “It’s only a matter of time before I get mad / lust / depressed / worried….There’s nothing I can really do about it.  It’s going to happen.”  This view makes the difficulties of life even more difficult: if we’re already convinced that the mountain is too hard to climb before we even see it (or see what’s in our packs) then we’re sunk when we come to it.  In other words, we really think highly of our sin and our life’s circumstances and lowly of Christ’s provision and power believing perhaps that we are just passive recipients of the black waters of life.  In the end, we drink deeply and it is bitter.

But, if Christ Himself holds all things together (Col 1:15-17) and all things were conceived of in His mind and built through His very power and find their purpose and conclusion in Him, then why be so quick to think sin is too much and circumstances too overwhelming?

  • Is the tendency to sin really too strong for the Spirit to counteract?
  • Are your children really so aggravating that the Spirit can’t give you peace or patience?
  • Is the disease, the deformity or the doubt really so strong that God the Rock and Refuge (Psalm 31) cannot enter in?

My wife and I were talking about how it feels like the home page in our lives’ web is “Me.”  But that’s wrong.  In Christ, our home page is Him.  He is our default.  Our sin is not the first or final word in our lives, His righteousness that He gave to us and His Word is both first and final.  If we believe that it’s only a matter of time before we sin or our circumstance are going to beat us up, then perhaps instead of being realistic we are being sinful.  Instead we must face our daily problems with:

  • Christ’s power is enough to keep me from the power of my sin and these circumstances

He is either powerful or He isn’t.  We either live one way (“He is powerful”) or we live the other (“He is not strong enough”).  God gives power to His children to overcome (1 Corinthians 10:13) because He has already overcome it all.  Receive it and use it today.

“Am I one of those people?”

Silva

This post is for my beloved friends who have recently suffered unexpected tragedy.

Recently, I found myself between two worlds.  In one, I sit in our den, a fire in the fire place with a cup of coffee and an open Bible to the Psalms.  My kids are mingling and oogling around and I dig into the Scriptures with peace (these days it’s Psalm 29).  The other world is in my mind, where recent conversations, events and emails linger and they trouble me.

World 1.  As I read Psalm 29, I am struck by the two voices of the Psalm.  The first voice is ours: verses 1-2 command that all creatures give God praise, “Ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name” (v.2) is an apt summary.  The voice of the created is praise.  Verses 3-11 characterize the voice of God, the second voice.  His is one of great power: “the voice of the Lord flashes forth with flames of fire” (v.7) is a good summary.  Even more the end of the Psalm highlights God is enthroned as king forever: a king whose voice is power.

This, with the last part of the psalm, is what strikes me:

May the LORD give strength to His people!  May the LORD bless His people with peace!

World 2.  There’s the rub.  As I look into the events of life I see things that are apparently inconsistent with the power and blessing of God.  I recall the emails and phone calls with good friends who’ve suddenly lost jobs, fathers, mothers, babies and income.  Those things, also, appear inconsistent with the power and blessing of God.  So, this Psalm, though it promises wonderful blessings for the people of God, combined with the events of life (mine included), leaves me to wonder “Am I one of those people?”

Life in World 2, Christian, makes you wonder if there’s something that you have done for which you are being punished.  Perhaps you wonder as I did above if you are even one of God’s children?  You doubt the power of God’s voice of Psalm 29 and think, “If God is so powerful, then why couldn’t He stop this?”  Or worse: the costs of walking with this God are starting to rise in your heart and with it, your fears.  “If He is willing to take my baby, then what else?”  “If He won’t answer my prayers for the salvation of my mother, then what else?”  Peter’s words ring in our ears and we, too, wonder at its answer “God, I have given up everything to follow You, and this is what happens?”

You fear these thoughts.  But you have them nonetheless.  Yet, Christian, something else inside you tells you you’ve got it all wrong.  The pain and anxiety is as close as a fleeting thought but, if you are honest, you can’t just simply clench your fist and cry out to God and say, “This is wrong and You are wrong!”  Oh, but the events in your life pull you to statements like that with power that is so very strong.  It almost feels right to lash out, “How can the answer to my faithfulness be such pain from you, O God?”  But, still, you linger on the outside of total devastation because something inside you tells you you’ve got it all wrong.

How do I know?  How can you see it?  It’s the voice.  That voice, the voice of the God of power, has something to say to you and me.  Though you may not be ready to hear it, He has words for you in the midst of this terror and pain.

Read on: Psalm 30.  Verses 2-3:

O LORD God, I cried to you for help and you have healed me.  O LORD, you have brought up my soul from the grave; you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.

Soul-life and restoration: our destination.  But the pathway is often brutal: don’t miss that these words assume the Psalmist was in great trouble: he was sick or diseased, perhaps he was even on death’s bed.  Why was he there?  Why did God do that?  What was the point of covenanting with a people and then bringing them to the bed of death and trouble?  We might want to go straight to the fact that the Psalmist cried out to God and He answered.  We avoid thinking of the portrait of God at the helm of such devastation for it is too much to behold.  Yet, we can’t miss the fact that you and the Psalmist are in the same bed: suffering, tragedy and pain.

Why?  No answer.  Why? No answer, again.  Why? Just no answer.

It’s not as simple as “God’s trying to test me,” or “He must be about to bless me, so He’s preparing me,” or “I must’ve deserved it,” or some other ultra-simplistic, terribly unsatisfying answer.  In our efforts to make life understandable, we make it domesticated.  In the process, we shrink God down to size and our hope goes with Him.  Can you simply locate the death of a baby in the womb?  Is that satisfyingly explained by “this is just a sinful world”?  We think we’re being noble and wise by trying to explain the inexplicable and unbelievable tragedy away with some pithy Christian bookstore coffee-cup answer.  Don’t be tempted; it will not act as balm on the pain.  You will not be satisfied and then you’ll look at God with anger as if He is the culprit.  No, go back to the voice of power.  That’s where the answers lie.

In Psalm 30, we can’t miss that the Psalmist DID cry out to God.  He knew from Scripture and his own experiences that the voice of God was indeed one of power and blessing.  And the result of the psalmist’s cry was God’s action.   But, perhaps not as he intended.

Verses 4-5 are helpfully honest:

Sing praises to the LORD, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name.  For His anger is but for a moment, and His favor is for a lifetime.  Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Saints.  Anger and favor.  Moments and lifetime.  Weeping and joy.  Night and morning.  These are like puzzle pieces from different boxes all jumbled together.  They don’t seem to fit for us; we assume the puzzle is flawed and we throw it away.  Then we resolve never to buy another from that company.  But, wait a moment, what if the puzzle is more complicated than we thought?  What if these pieces ARE meant to be in the same box; even the same life?  What if the portrait they depict is far richer and full of wonder with more depth and complexity than we imagine?

  • Wouldn’t that be glorious?

Christian friends, beloved of God and saints, the truth is that God is powerful in ways that can’t be imitated or even explained.  Just so, He is wise and purposeful.  Yet also, He is loving, dedicated and in full-on covenant with you.  “God is love” is written for you.  You will search the Scriptures and your own experience and find these things to be as obvious as true.  This is not a simple puzzle: He unleashes the angels of death while at the same time commissioning the angels of comfort and ministry.  They stand side by side executing different pieces of the same plan.  Neither one nor the other is on his own; together and at different times in different ways on the same piece of real estate: your life, they do the bidding of the King.

Wait, friends, for Joy comes in the morning.  He has a name:

I, Jesus have sent my angel to testify to you about these things for the church.  I am the root and the descendant of David, the bright morning star. (Revelation 22:16)

Remember that the voice of the created is praise.  Our circumstances – world #2 – can’t convince us that the voice of God is powerless.  In Christ, you are one of those people recipients of the power of God.  Though its power is sometimes clothed in tragedy, its end is not.  Praise will come in the morning.

The Boy is…kind to his mother

Silva

We have all seen him.  Today, he has most of his hair hanging down crossways over his face draping over him like a valance as he leans against the wall.  He has developed an involuntary twitch that tosses that hair out of his eyes for a brief moment only to see it return (he doesn’t seem to grow weary of it).  He clearly thinks black skinny jeans are suitable to wear with oversized Vans shoes sporting off-colored laces and the tongue flopped way over.  (The potential message in all that apparel is another post.) The other involuntary twitch developed by him is his hand reaching for his phone so he can be ready at a moment’s notice to text that ALL important sonnet to his adoring followers.

In walks his mother.  Like a silent movie, you see her speak to him.  He hardly moves, his hand and face in close communion as he reads an ALL important text just received.  Even without making eye contact with her we see in his facial contortions that he’s heard her words.  Once his fuzzy chin returns to rest, his eyes roll over and you wonder if he’s going to through them at her.  She persists and so does he.  Her facial features harden and his become more sullen.  She raises her hand to gesticulate for effect, he turns briskly and returns to his face and phone-in-hand close communion.  She takes one or two steps as if to follow, then stops.  He does not.

Sad picture?  It is.  I wonder how often it is repeated in the homes of our child-obsessed culture.  Strange isn’t it?  That we create and maintain this culture that turns its head towards us in disdain?  Who’s to blame: the parents or the children?  The culture?  The media?  Engaging in the blame game is a waste.  This boy is wrong for treating his mother this way and I don’t have to point to anything other than him.  Sure this is a potential problem for parent-child relational development; no one wants to be estranged from his son into adulthood!

Yet this is about bigger things.  This series is about the kind of man who may lead and love my daughters in marriage.  So, the real question is at what point did I learn that I needed to be kind to my wife?  How are these things related?  Think about it: where do I meet my first woman?  When?  When, first, do I have to have meaningful communication with a member of the opposite sex?  Where do I learn that men and women are different and that plays out practically?  Where and how may I “practice” living as a man with a woman in honor and dignity?

  • At home with mom.

Fast forward 8 years and what will this young man likely be doing around women?  Will it look differently than when he stood before his mom?  Not likely.  If little changes, it isn’t likely that he’ll have become a man of honor, decorum, attention, love or respect.  He won’t likely have learned to be selfless and giving, kind and patient, reflective and courageous.  It is possible of course, miracles of that order happen all the time (thank God).  Yet, as a parent, am I missing the opportunity to teach my son how to live with a wife because I don’t see his interaction with his mom in that light?  By allowing him to live with his mama in any old way chalking it up to “being a boy”?  Is my “training” only erecting fences around him that say, “Honor your father and mother!” and say no more?  Is parenting only about protection or is there more?

There IS more!  God has given us a great advantage in the presence of a godly, mature, visionary, loving and faithful woman – my wife – in the training of my son.  His wife will reap the fruit of what my dear wife, his mom, is sowing.  Mom’s and Dad’s have to see in their homes the training ground for marriage.  In my home I have daughters who will at some point (Lord willing) be sought as wives.

What do I do when that time comes?  I plan to say, “Honey, if he’s rough with his mom, stay away from him.  He’ll be rough with you.”  “If he’s disrespectful to his mom, he’ll be disrespectful to you.”  “If he mocks his mom, he’ll scorn you.”  “If he lies to his mom, he’ll cheat on you.”  “If he steals from his mom, he’ll manipulate you.”

Boy, learn to be kind to your mother.  Your marriage might depend on it.