Tag Archives: parenting

Parents’ influence on Children’s Sexual Behavior

Posted on by Silva
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The body of statistics for topics like this is huge.  In fact, there are websites that are dedicated to publishing this kind of thing on a daily basis; it can be mind-numbing.  This post simply asserts the conclusions of one group of studies.  If you are interested in more of this data, go to familyfacts.org and you’ll find it.

Consider these conclusions about parent’s influence on the sexual behavior of their children:

  • “Adolescents whose mothers discussed the social and moral consequences of being sexually active are less likely to engage in sexual intercourse.”
  • “Children whose parents monitor them closely are less likely to be sexually active when they are in their teens.”
  • “Teenagers who feel their parents strongly disapprove of their being sexually active are less likely to contract a sexually transmitted infection.”
  • “Teens whose parents watch television with them more frequently and limit their TV viewing are less likely to be sexually active.”
  • “Adolescents whose parents talk with them about standards of sexual behavior are more likely to be abstinent.”

These conclusions mirror those of author Christian Smith in his book, “Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers” by Oxford University Press.  There, Dr. Smith tells us that parents are absolutely vital in the lives of their children.  Perhaps parents begin to believe over time that their children are far more likely to follow the influence of their friends or other adults.  Both the Bible and sociological studies are telling us to think again.

Latest and Greatest!

Posted on by Silva
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Friends, the latest audio from our study of Gospel Powered Parenting is uploaded here and at iTunes (Bentworld Broadcast)!

Also, class notes for all the lessons studies so far are at the following address:

Gospel Powered Parenting Class Notes There is often a good bit of material that we cannot cover in class – look here and you’ll see what that is!

Grace!

You with Us, We with You

Posted on by Silva
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I continue to be provoked by a discussion about parenting in light of eternity.  The affect it has had on me as a parent has been to clarify the things of parenting.  I will (and do!) still struggle in making mountains out of molehills and vice versa, but I definitely believe that the picture of my destination as a parent is clearer – under the specter of eternal judgment, all things are clearer.  Interestingly, Paul wrote this way in his letter to the Thessalonians (1:9, 2:16, 3:13, 4:13-17, chapter 5).

Just the other day, I found out that one of my children had been participating in mean-spiritedness against another child from our church: covenant children victimizing others, who’d have thought?  Nonetheless, once I found out I was surprised by how much more quickly we moved to handle this (Judgment day still fresh in our minds).  I whipped out the church directory, found the relevant phone number, made the call, connected with the parent and passed the phone along to my child who asked for forgiveness from the other.  The mom told me that my child had acted courageously.  I responded, “It takes courage to do the right thing.”  I might’ve said it differently, “It takes a Judgment-Day perspective to do the right thing.”

In a resource designed to help parents bring the gospel to their covenant children, I read a quote from Richard Mather, English-born American congregationalist preacher (c. 1600) in answer to the question, “What might covenant children on their way to hell say to their parents?”

All this that we here suffer is through you.  You should have taught us the things of God and did not.  You should have restrained us from sin and corrected us and you did not.  You were the means of our original corruption and guiltiness, and yet you never showed any competent care that we might be delivered from it.  Woe unto us that we had such carnal and careless parents.  And woe unto you that you had no more compassion and pity to prevent the everlasting misery of your own children.

I have said in class before that even among those of you who do not have children, your commitment to your covenantal vows at the many baptisms you witnessed in our worship obligate you to help parents with children in their tasks of parenting for Judgment Day.  I pray that in and through our faithful covenant parenting (you with us and we with you) in light of eternity, our children will have no opportunity to speak words like these.  May God grant us the grace and strength.

Pastor Gabe

Sooo…college is it?

Posted on by Silva
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The Bible says many things about many things.  It seems reasonable to believe that all the eternally important things ARE in the Bible.  The rest, though meaningful, is not in the same category of importance.  I have interacted with many confessing Christians who regularly elevate things not in the Bible to apocalyptic importance.  Like kids and careers.

What about goals for our children?  Into what should we be aiming our children?  Back in the day of my youth and exuberance, college was it.  I-T.  It was the goal, it was the done deal, it was what was expected, it was the topic of conversation, it was the object of ridicule etc., etc.  Few were the ones who did not go to college.  Fewer were the ones who admitted that they really didn’t want to go.

That was then.  This is now.  Now, I have children.  The conversations I have about college these days are far different than they used to be.  I remember talking to a friend who didn’t ever go to college but seemed to be fitting into God’s plan just fine and thinking, “whoa, she didn’t go to college.”  That was the beginning of a conversation that endures regarding my kids and college.  Now, I’m not quite there yet so even these musings are theoretical.

Here’s an interesting article: Is College the Only Option?

I guess the question is should we just assume that university is a done deal for our children?  “Of course he’s going to college!”  “Why, as soon as she graduates she’s off to college!”  That brings me back to how I started: the Bible and college.  Hmmm.  Strangely silent.  In fact, the silence is eerie.  The Bible does not tell me I must train my children to go to college.  It does not tell me that the key to my child’s future is college.

Instead, the world tells me that college is the place where 2/3 of churched children reject the faith they know.  If that is true, that’s a big deal.  There are surely many reasons for that tragic statistic but it isn’t necessarily reason not to send our kids to college.  God’s path for His children is often a valley that feels like death (see Psalm 23).

Parents are to prepare our children for the tasks that God has set before them.  That may mean sending them to college.  It may not.  We must certainly should ask  God if college is His plan for our children.  Of course, there are practical reasons to ask the question as the linked article tells us.  But, the greater question regards just to what is God calling our children?  We must pray and ask!

Nobody likes Underlings

Posted on by Silva
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I was thinking about kingdoms today.  Check out the basics:

God is King of His Kingdom – Psalm 24:7-10

7Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in. 8 Who is this King of glory?  The Lord, strong and mighty, the Lord, mighty in battle!   9 Lift up your heads, O gates! And lift them up, O ancient doors that the King of glory may come in.  10 Who is this King of glory? The Lord of hosts, he is the King of glory!

Christ is the reigning and returning King – Revelation 19:15-16

15 From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron. He will tread the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God the Almighty. 16 On his robe and on his thigh he has a name written, King of kings and Lord of lords.

Kingdoms and parenting go together.  God is King; we live in His kingdom.  We are underlings. Nobody likes underlings – least of all our children.  Have you ever thought of that?  Why don’t you like underlings?  First of all, they can tell us what to do since they are literally under someone else’s authority.  Secondly, they can’t make changes to the boss’ rules (we hate that).  Thirdly, we like access and power and underlings prevent us from both.

Our children are no different.  They are uber-underlings – think of that!  This is especially relevant once we consider what it actually means to live in God’s kingdom.  There are rules, you see.  There’s a standard for right and wrong (one that’s already completely written, by the way).  It is the law of God set forth in the Bible.

Let’s say little bubba or precious suzie-Q break the rules.  What have they done?  Two things.  First, they have disregarded the existing rules of the King.  They have acted as if He’s not really sitting on that Throne regarding all their thoughts, words and actions.  They have said, “There is no God” and have become as fools: Psalm 14:1.  Wow, do they need the Gospel.

But, no one likes an empty throne, so they do a second thing: they write new rules.  When little precious decides to snipe at her sister, she’s created a rule that says, “In my kingdom, sniping is allowed.”  When cheesy-grin boy grumbles at bed-time, he’s codified a new law, “In my kingdom, bedtime is when I say it is!”  Note to self: rules that we make are only ever good for just us.

We – parents (and all) – must live in light of these two kingdoms before we try to press our children for kingdom obedience, don’t we?  We have the same tendencies to ascend the throne, re-write the rules and rule kingdoms.  You love to be kings and queens and kingdom-rulers!

We must parent our children in light of these two constantly competing kingdoms: the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of Me.  In the latter, I’m king and I make the rules and you’d better listen.  Yet, in the former, He is King and He is the best of Kings.  His rules – so wise and purposeful – can always do infinitely more good than rules we or our children create.