Category Archives: gospel

Look who’s at the door for my daughter…

Posted on by Silva
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My oldest is not dating.  Maybe not yet, maybe not ever.  I’m a cautious father since, I too, am a boy.  Recently she and I were talking about boys (she’s old enough for that for sure).  With typical zeal, I listed all the boys who, if they showed up at my door wanting to date my butterfly, I’d say, “Um, no.  Good bye.”  Next, I listed all the boys, who if they showed up asking the same thing, I’d say, “Um, no.  But you can come in and hang out here.”  Now, at this point of my parenting life, I’m all bluster and no experience.  My Pop, recently chuckled as we talked about this for understandable reasons, “Yes, son.” He said.  I’m sure I’ll be calling…However, as I prattle on with my daughter, she lovingly hears me out and seems to take some level of comfort from a protective (and experienced) father.

Still, more recently, we were talking about a couple of particular boys (I name names,you see).  These guys are goofs.  They are her middle-teen age and are lanky, pimple faced goof balls.  But, these two young men have courage.  They have had opportunity to take spiritual, moral and ethical positions that have impressed me.  So, as my daughter and I discussed these yokels, and she also recognized that they’re goofs, I helped her see that goofs grow up but it is very difficult to grow into courage.

This reminded me to continue to refine my list of “requirements” for the one who will successfully pry my daughter out of my hands.

Does he keep his word? Can she trust him to tell the truth even in front of his friends?

Is he courageous? Will he stand against everyone (her included) to do what is right and best for all?  Will he stand up to me if I intrude into their lives when I shouldn’t?

Is he humble? Will he accept rebuke when he needs it?  Will he demand to be served?

Is he kind even in front of his friends?

Does he repent of his sins? It isn’t too hard to find a young man who’d acknowledge that he sins.  But will Ace repent of his wrong-doing even to my daughter?  To me?  To my wife?

Is he thoughtful? Does he see his life in terms of others or others in terms of him?  Will he treat her like a ‘weaker vessel’ rather than a tool?

Is he a hard worker? Will he take the mandate of God seriously that he must work?  Can she depend on him to be active in all seasons to do what he must for her?  Will he refuse to live in my basement?

Is he respectful and kind to his mother? I do a lot of premarital counseling and I always ask questions like this.  The boy will treat my daughter like he treats his mom.

And so, it continues: for her, the wait.  For me, the prayer and vigilance.

The Day of Small Pains

Posted on by Silva
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We don’t often have a good handle on context.  When we read stories, we forget where we have been and facts start to blend into a meaningless background.  We spout off with some kind of uber-inappropriate word or phrase because we’ve lost our sense of the company we’re in.  We lose sleep over a bill, a supervisor’s word or an upcoming presentation because our apprehension of time has slipped from us.

We live in relationships often without context; in the middle of bonafide trouble, we don’t ask the questions that would make a difficult or tense or uncertain situation bearable.  We live in the weeds of life and we see nothing but weeds.

We certainly parent without context.  A bowl of spilled milk, a muddy track through the carpet, a dog eating a box of egg noodles – God forbid!  More significantly, a teacher’s troubling report, a neighbor’s testimony of  a broken window, a persistent rebelliousness – how fast do these things wreck our days?

I was telling some friends the other day about the Sears Tower (is it still called that?).  It seemed that no matter what part of Chicago you’re in, you can see that thing.  From Wheaton to the Wisconsin border to the smelly side of Chicago, that monument towers above all else.  It was always possible to get an orientation from that landmark.  Is it possible that this is a valid symbol, useful for us in our daily, weedy lives?  Yes.

Parents out there:  “Weedy Life” is a good descriptor of the daily in’s and out’s of life as a parent, isn’t it?  There are wonderful blessings and grueling trials – all before 9:00 a.m. – meals, laundry, bill-paying, dirty rooms, smelly breath, stain removal, soccer practice, piano lessons, murmuring and the constant question-asking. Oh my is it easy to consider each of these things as nails in the coffin where your joy is kept!

There are weightier matters which, of course, you know.  Foremost and specifically, what will my child say when he has to give a report of his life to God Almighty, will he try to lay out his list of achievements, people he “friends” on Facebook or the amount of money he gives to charity?  Maybe he will.  What will keep him from thinking those are sufficient answers?  (Since they aren’t.)  Parents living with context.

When the weeds seem to rise around us: the rancor and disagreements increase the volume level in the house and you just want to poke yourself in the ear drums, we have to remember what one author calls the “day of small pains.”  The Day of Small Pains is our Weedy Life at home with our little (or not so little) cherubs.  If you were to look around with the eyes of faith you would see the Cross towers above all the weeds.  Like the Sears Tower for all who look for it, the Cross of Jesus Christ reminds us that there will be another Day;  potentially a Terrible Day for our children.  Though our days might be filled with troubling childhood behavior, there will be a day when our children will be out from underneath the cover of our homes.  If we neglect to have some context like this, and it results in our deficient or lazy parenting, then the Days of Small Pains for them will transition into Days of Personal Agony.  This same author says:

If we don’t discipline our children, God will.  Either we will use the rod on our children, as God commands, or someday God might use our children’s miseries (divorce, bankruptcy, inability to hold down a job) as a rod to discipline them and even us for our failure to take him seriously.  (William Farley, Gospel Powered Parenting, 171)

What will keep this from happening?  Parents living with context.  What is that context?  The Bible tells us in the New Testament book of Hebrews (12:11):

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later is yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Our day-in and day-out attention to the details of our children’s hearts, our faithfulness in using the rods of correction upon their sinfulness, our prayers that they would “get it” and start to act like it is our work of keeping context.  We must always be looking around for the Cross to remind ourselves that though this is a hard season, there may be a much harder one for us and for our children.  You may think it base to parent with this kind of fear present in your heart, but think again.  The prospect of suffering teenage and adult children simply because we were either too stubborn or too lazy to do the spade work in their hearts when they were young should frighten you.

The Days of Small Pains are a blessing to us.  Take advantage of them while they persist around your homes.  Pray that in them and by your diligence God would save their souls, teach them how to live and commission them on the road to bringing Him honor.  Of course unspeakable joy is found here, too.

Latest and Greatest!

Posted on by Silva
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Friends, the latest audio from our study of Gospel Powered Parenting is uploaded here and at iTunes (Bentworld Broadcast)!

Also, class notes for all the lessons studies so far are at the following address:

Gospel Powered Parenting Class Notes There is often a good bit of material that we cannot cover in class – look here and you’ll see what that is!

Grace!

Fairness Meters In Our Heads…They’re On!

Posted on by Silva
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We all say, at some time in our lives, “that’s not fair!”  Parents can count on hearing this all the time from their children.  Even those who are the most obsessed about keeping their kids from uttering the words, like infant-sized temper tantrums, the impulse to judge is hard wired into who we are.  (Those same obsessive parents will then be saying, “Hey, this isn’t fair!”)  Oh, for a dollar for all the conversations where the originating comment was “that’s not fair!”

Let’s talk about fairness, then.  If you sat down with a pen and paper to answer the query, “What in your life, in your judgment, isn’t fair?” the chances that you’d be staring at a blank piece of paper after five minutes are close to nil.  From the shape of our bodies to the size of what’s in our bank accounts; from the cars we drive to the phones we carry; from the promotions we didn’t get to the taxes that we have to pay.  Our fairness meters are very active.

Is this on your list of unfair things “I’m going to heaven”?  If you’re a Christian, it’s likely that you’ve considered the patent unfairness of that statement.  If you haven’t, you should.  I was reflecting on these words from William Farley’s book, Gospel Powered Parenting (pg. 75):

The Father’s love for his Son is intense: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased” (Matt. 3:17).  It is not a common love.  It is holy.  He loves his Son with omnipotence, which means all power, with infinite intensity.  He loves his Son with omniscience – all knowledge.  His gaze penetrates the infinite perfection of his Son’s deity.  Since the Son’s glory is infinite, only an infinite intellect can fully know and love him.  He knows the Son exhaustively, and what the Father knows and sees is the infinite perfection of the Son’s divinity.

But here is the stunning truth: such is the holiness of the Father that when the Son bore our sin and transgressions, God separated himself from him.  “My God, my God,” Jesus cried from the cross, “why have you forsaken me?”  (Matt. 27:46).

The holiness of God, His utter uniqueness and separation from all that’s not like Him, at that time demanded that He turn from His Son.  The very One with Whom He’d spent eternity in perfect harmony and relationship.  Why on earth would He ever do such a thing? Jesus’ quote of Psalm 22 about being forsaken is surely among the most stunning and breathtaking statements ever written.  Do we not see just what has taken place?

Add this to your paper (under a new heading, “Really Not Fair”),

  • I was born in sin (Psalm 51:5)
  • I sin because it was my nature (Ephesians 2:1-2)
  • My sins will lead to my death – justly and fairly (Romans 6:23)

Drumroll….

  • They don’t (Romans 6:4)

They don’t.  But why don’t they?  They must!  I am the man!  I am the angry man; I am the thief; I am the adulterer; I am the one who rages against the rule of God!  I am the one guilty of my sins.  Why on earth do we read of the blameless Holy Son walking the streets of Jerusalem soaked in blood carrying a cross?  Why is He the one who’s been nailed to it?  Why?

Don’t talk yourself into the good news until you’ve come to grips with the cosmic truth that what happened at Calvary wasn’t fair.  All that is or isn’t fair is judged in light of that event.  Those events weren’t fair in ways that we can never really grasp – larger ways that should scare you.  Do Paul’s words in Romans 8, stun you?

What then shall we say to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?

Shocking truths that we must consider.  This leads to what we must also talk ourselves into: the truth that in Jesus Christ, having been covered in His blood, we appear before the throne of God.  And as He looks to you and me, affection and welcome and rest are given in abundant measures.  Wow.

I am scarcely able to lift my head to gaze upon them…But, I don’t have to, He reaches down to all those who call upon His name and He lifts our heads (Psalm 3:3).  His grace never ends.  Alleluia.

Take a Closer Look

Posted on by Silva
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Have you ever noticed what you never notice?  Or see what you normally pass right over?  This sometimes happens to me when I look closely at words.  Like “kneel.”  If you look closely, you’ll see a really strange combination of letters that make a sound that doesn’t really follow.  When did the “k-n” combination sound only the “n” anyway? Although “kneel” is a word and there are hundreds and thousands of words, it stands apart from them all because only “kneel” is kneel.  If we take time to notice the things we look right past, we’ll see there’s a kind of separateness or distinction to all things.  To our speedy eyes things may blend together, but upon inspection, they are as varied as ever if only we’d take the time.  But, in the words of the Merovingian, “no one ever has time unless they take the time.”

Time and separateness: these things are strangely related.  Take our Bible reading plan.  Today, we are in John 19.  After chapter 18’s conclusion with Pilate’s interview of Jesus and His astounding words about His kingdom, in chapter 19 we are confronted with His humiliation, His crucifixion and His death.  This is the most terrible story of all time.  Can you think of a worse one?  Or, are you like my kids who had varying degrees of glazed-over looks because of the sheer commonality of the story?  When the gospel was first “news” to us, it was indeed shocking and troubling.  But, then, over time, it wore off.  Now, Easter is more about bunnies, candy and the end of Lent for too many people.

Just think about that: “They [soldiers] came up to Him saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!” and struck Him with their hands” (19:3).  They struck Him.  Slow down and read that again, “they struck Him.”  Are we not flabbergasted with this report?  The Creator of all things (John 1:3), the Beloved of God (Matthew 3:17), struck by men.  No.  We have lost the terror of the holy.  Those things that should command our attention because they are special, distinct, and separate do nothing to us.  Instead, we are consumed with the common.

It is not surprising that since we have lost the terror of the holy, we have little regard for holiness.  It’s like witnessing gluttony over and over without seeing its vileness and becoming gluttons ourselves.  If we saw the vileness of gluttony, we’d stray from the practice.  I wonder if that’s why God has given us the Bible: so that we’d be able to look again and again upon the Holy so that we might be holy.  Paul said in 2 Corinthians 3:18,

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another.”

How does time factor into this?  Have you noticed the stars recently?  How was that possible?  More than likely you were on your way back from soccer practice with a pizza in your hand, getting out of the car you happened to look up.  Amazing isn’t it?  There are so many other, more significant things to notice – what of the Lord of the stars?  One of the effects of the life, death and resurrection of Christ is that you would be able and eager to look at the holy and be changed.

The Merovingian was right.