Category Archives: Culture

Why can we not endure our lives?

Posted on by Silva
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The longer I live and serve God’s people, the more I witness how we have come to love formulas and quick fixes for life’s issues.  We probably aren’t any different from people of other ages.  Yet, for us, the good life or good quality of life is often defined in terms of things fixed or avoided, like pain alleviated or problems solved.  The quicker the pace of life, the more intense the experience or the busier the calendar, the more we demand to be relieved from it all.  We elevate comfort and ease to god-like status and order our lives around attaining them.  This is a sad state.

We have become a culture – even a Christian culture – of traders and bargain-hunters.  This is most clearly seen in relationships.  Here’s what I mean:

  • We have traded in plenty for paucity.

Now, we are satisfied with hundreds of Facebook friends and hours of wasted time keeping up with them rather than a couple of close and personal friendships.

  • We have traded in intimacy for efficiency.

Now, drive-by relational investments, “doing the minimum,” has replaced the time consuming and rigorous interactions necessary for meaningful relationships.

  • We have traded in personal letters for status updates.

Forget the fact that we may have no more time than the 140 characters of a tweet; I wonder how many of our hands could hold a pen for more than 5 minutes.

We think we are making improvements.  Perhaps we are simply improving our ability to be shallow and short-tempered.  One casualty in all of this, perhaps the greatest one, is our ability to live the long haul.  Mostly gone is the ethic of standing firm in the mundane or day-to-day.  Now, the “mundane” (which is not a by-word) is considered monotonous (which is).

Perhaps our culture lacks no greater virtue than the ability and vision to endure.  This is as true inside the church as it is outside.  We have grown in our expectation that life should be manageable, workable, or controllable.  But at the same time, we have put down the very thing that would allow us to see those things: endurance.  The real gravity involved in considering this topic isn’t primarily pragmatic: if we don’t endure then we’ll all be like middle-aged children. No, the Bible tells us that endurance is yoked to hope and our inheritance in Christ.  We cannot have the latter without the former. That’s what makes this so urgent.

Jesus says, “The one who endures to the end will be saved” (Matt 10:22, 24:13; Mark 13:13).  He has a different view of life than we have adopted by and large; a different view than we are teaching our children at home, at church and at school.  Jesus was certainly not alone in speaking of the present in long-haul terms.  I mentioned our penchant for “formula” living.  Paul presents a formula that speaks to the topic we’ll be focusing on.  His formula is as shocking as it is short:

…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope (Romans 5:3-4)

Whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope (Romans 15:4)

Jesus and Paul (and others) viewed life in terms of scope – a lifetime.  They saw it as a race that has no end but heaven itself.

Like the other general letters of the New Testament (like, for example, James, 1 Peter and Revelation), Hebrews speaks to long haul living.  There, like in Romans, the author says long haul living is a life of endurance.  Most prominently in Hebrews 10:36.  There it reads:

“For you have need of endurance so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised”

Most believers work hard to endure life’s circumstances.  Most only endure because they happen to rather than purpose to.  Perhaps it would help to consider endurance, however, as a result rather than a goal.  We will see from Hebrews that endurance has two primary elements to it: faith and patience.  The author of Hebrews argues in his book that to focus on faith and patience is the means to endure.

First, faith (see Hebrews 4:2, 11:6).  Faith is of course a prominent feature of Hebrews, especially in chapter 11.  But, perhaps a more significant occurrence is far earlier in the book: 3:16-19, 4:2

For who were those who heard and yet rebelled?  Was it not all those who left Egypt led by Moses?  And with whom was he provoked for forty years?  Was it not those whose bodies fell in the wilderness?  And to whom did he swear that they would not enter his rest, but to those who were disobedient?  So we see that they were unable to enter because of unbelief.

For good news came to us just as to them but the message they heard did not benefit them because they were not united by faith with those who listened.  For we who believed enter that rest…

The Israelites that Moses led out of Egypt had the opportunity to enter the Promised Land had they simply believed God and followed Moses.  God had pledged Himself to the nation to care for them – He proved His power in the plagues and the exodus.  They were unfaithful and they did not believe God.  And, as a result, they did not endure the process of inheriting what had been promised to them.

  • They were, after all, going to be required to do the walking, fighting and settling of the land.

We have seen the effects of unbelief, what, then, is faith?  We look to Hebrews 11:1,6:

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen…Believe that He exists and that he rewards those who seek him

Faith recognizes that something has been done for us but we haven’t seen it yet.  It assumes the truthfulness of the promises God has made.  It looks at the finished work of Jesus Christ that is ours who are in Him.  Faith is thoughtfully considering the gospel of God and its effects.  Hebrews exalts Christ and His work as our priest, prophet and king.  Our task is to drink all of that in:

  • It is saying “Yes” to what God promises without actually seeing what He promises.
  • It is saying “Yes” to God’s control of all things even though the interpretation of those things might escape us.

The effect of faith is to anchor our endurance outside of our circumstances.  Faith reels in the anchor and pulls us closer to heaven.

Secondly, patience (see Hebrews 6:12).  We know of patience from prominent places in the Bible.  Perhaps most notably as a fruit of the Holy Spirit’s presence in Galatians 5:22.  Or as love’s first character trait in 1 Corinthians 13:4.   Patience is only considered in light of testing.  It only makes sense in that light.  So, whereas someone might think faith ignores circumstances in favor of other things, patience doesn’t.  Patience looks at the burdens of life but considers the temporary nature of those burdens.  When it is united to faith, patience thinks on this life relative to eternity and says, with Paul:

This slight and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

Patience is internal fortitude in the face life’s real challenges knowing they will end.  While faith reels in the anchor drawing us nearer to heaven, patience bears the work of the reeling knowing that one day the anchor will be in hand and heaven will be our experience.

We know this to be true from life experience.  Let me illustrate.  Child-bearing.  Now, I’ve been through that – as a spectator – several times.  As a junior participant (my wife thought that was an apt description), there was always a point in the process where I needed to endure.  If for no other reason (but importantly), she needed me to stay engaged with her so she could endure.  At that moment, I was confronted with the need to be faithful and patient.

  • Faith in God that my wife’s body could actually do what He designed it to do: deliver this baby and safeguarding her life.
  • Patience that though it sometimes took hours to happen, it would eventually be complete.

The combination of these two made me joyfully endure the process to see the wonderful results.  What would the opposite have looked like?

  • Without faith in God in the ways I mentioned, the whole process would be horrific for me: always wondering at what point the baby’s heart was going to stop beating or something awful was going to happen to my wife.
  • Without patience, I would have been no help to her.  I could potentially have been mean to her or the physicians or put out because I “had” to be with her when I’d rather be doing something else (like she wouldn’t also!).

I illustrate in this way so you can see what failures in either faith or patience can do to endurance.  Does the Bible really discuss endurance in these terms?  Are faith and patience united to create endurance as I have suggested?  Hebrews 6:12, prays:

“…you may not be sluggish but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises”

We see here that faith + patience = inheritance.  Or, are we saw from Hebrews 10:36:

“For you have need of endurance so that when you done the will of God you may receive what is promised”

In that case, faith + patience = endurance.  Endurance leads to inheritance.  Perhaps our lives lack no greater virtue than the ability and vision to endure.  And, as we fail to endure, we fail to have the hope won for us in Jesus Christ.  But, endurance is a result not a goal.  We may pray to endure, but we should back our prayers up a bit.

First, we must pray that God will grow our faith in His character and promises and the finished work of His Son, Jesus Christ.  We must ask Him to remind us of the ways that He has acted for our good and blessing.  We must have our view of who God is and what He has done for us deepened and strengthened.  The more we see Him, the more we trust Him.  The more we trust in Him, the more patience will yield the result of endurance.

Secondly, we must ask God for an increase in patience.  This is simply asking Him for more of what He has already given us in His Spirit.  Believers in Christ aren’t at zero balance in patience.  They simply need refilling.  But, I know what you’ll say since it’s what I say, “I’m afraid to pray for patience!”

  • To pray for patience is to ask God to help us to grow in seeing our experience as transient and temporary though we may be grieved by it at times.

Endurance will be ours as faith and patience are ours.  God is not stingy about giving us these gifts.  We must simply be diligent to ask Him for them and trust that we will receive them when we need them.

The Boy is…kind to his mother

Posted on by Silva
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We have all seen him.  Today, he has most of his hair hanging down crossways over his face draping over him like a valance as he leans against the wall.  He has developed an involuntary twitch that tosses that hair out of his eyes for a brief moment only to see it return (he doesn’t seem to grow weary of it).  He clearly thinks black skinny jeans are suitable to wear with oversized Vans shoes sporting off-colored laces and the tongue flopped way over.  (The potential message in all that apparel is another post.) The other involuntary twitch developed by him is his hand reaching for his phone so he can be ready at a moment’s notice to text that ALL important sonnet to his adoring followers.

In walks his mother.  Like a silent movie, you see her speak to him.  He hardly moves, his hand and face in close communion as he reads an ALL important text just received.  Even without making eye contact with her we see in his facial contortions that he’s heard her words.  Once his fuzzy chin returns to rest, his eyes roll over and you wonder if he’s going to through them at her.  She persists and so does he.  Her facial features harden and his become more sullen.  She raises her hand to gesticulate for effect, he turns briskly and returns to his face and phone-in-hand close communion.  She takes one or two steps as if to follow, then stops.  He does not.

Sad picture?  It is.  I wonder how often it is repeated in the homes of our child-obsessed culture.  Strange isn’t it?  That we create and maintain this culture that turns its head towards us in disdain?  Who’s to blame: the parents or the children?  The culture?  The media?  Engaging in the blame game is a waste.  This boy is wrong for treating his mother this way and I don’t have to point to anything other than him.  Sure this is a potential problem for parent-child relational development; no one wants to be estranged from his son into adulthood!

Yet this is about bigger things.  This series is about the kind of man who may lead and love my daughters in marriage.  So, the real question is at what point did I learn that I needed to be kind to my wife?  How are these things related?  Think about it: where do I meet my first woman?  When?  When, first, do I have to have meaningful communication with a member of the opposite sex?  Where do I learn that men and women are different and that plays out practically?  Where and how may I “practice” living as a man with a woman in honor and dignity?

  • At home with mom.

Fast forward 8 years and what will this young man likely be doing around women?  Will it look differently than when he stood before his mom?  Not likely.  If little changes, it isn’t likely that he’ll have become a man of honor, decorum, attention, love or respect.  He won’t likely have learned to be selfless and giving, kind and patient, reflective and courageous.  It is possible of course, miracles of that order happen all the time (thank God).  Yet, as a parent, am I missing the opportunity to teach my son how to live with a wife because I don’t see his interaction with his mom in that light?  By allowing him to live with his mama in any old way chalking it up to “being a boy”?  Is my “training” only erecting fences around him that say, “Honor your father and mother!” and say no more?  Is parenting only about protection or is there more?

There IS more!  God has given us a great advantage in the presence of a godly, mature, visionary, loving and faithful woman – my wife – in the training of my son.  His wife will reap the fruit of what my dear wife, his mom, is sowing.  Mom’s and Dad’s have to see in their homes the training ground for marriage.  In my home I have daughters who will at some point (Lord willing) be sought as wives.

What do I do when that time comes?  I plan to say, “Honey, if he’s rough with his mom, stay away from him.  He’ll be rough with you.”  “If he’s disrespectful to his mom, he’ll be disrespectful to you.”  “If he mocks his mom, he’ll scorn you.”  “If he lies to his mom, he’ll cheat on you.”  “If he steals from his mom, he’ll manipulate you.”

Boy, learn to be kind to your mother.  Your marriage might depend on it.

The boy is…thankful

Posted on by Silva
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Thanksgiving!  Thank God!  It is a simple blessing of God that He would ensure a season of giving thanks remains in our otherwise spiritually-neutered and exhausting annual calendars.  Although the calendar around this time is really busy in my circles, its advent is a blessing.  So much of the year seems like we hold onto this life-raft only with great exertion.  Thanksgiving and Christmas intrude into this bleakness with respites and opportunities to think about other things (mostly).

I wonder if the boys are paying attention?  Boys are not normally thankful.  I know that mom’s and dad’s want to protest that their little charmer is the ONE who is thankful.  I hope it continues.

It won’t.  It won’t last because the boy lives with his parents.  His parents’lifestyle of consumption will be written on his heart with an iron stylus.  We, parents, consume the resources of life almost without a second thought.  We do, and our children do (dance lessons, Scouts, youth groups, Spanish club, soccer team, choir…).  A kid who lives in a home where mom and dad are treating life as if they own its rights will translate that value to little J.  He will grow up to be a young man who sees life as his storehouse of resources to consume.  I will warn my daughters (and watch my son).

Consumption isn’t our only issue.  Expectations are a close second (if that).  Sure, some parents may pray before meals (which is good), but then live in expectation at every other time.  We expect to be given things, respect, raises, accolades, gifts and vacations.  (This whole financially ruinous season seems to scream lessons at us at this very level.)  What does expectation breed?  If someone asked you to choose an adjective that best describes our culture and you could only choose from “discontent” and “thankful,” which would you choose?

Foolish optimists might choose the latter.  Those who know what they look like in a mirror would choose the former.  I’ve seen discontent as a lifestyle; to some degree I have lived such a life.  We traffic in the sea of discontent riding in the ferry of expectation.  “I was made for so much more….” “I’m bored….” “I wish this tasted better….” “When will it stop raining?….”  We expect to be handed the world on a platter so discontent is easy.  Will that boy look at his aging wife  (my daughter) and be content when she’s beautiful in other-than-physical ways?  Will he live with this “I deserve a sexy and alluring wife” and be like so many I’ve seen who bolt for the door?

  • Will the boy whose families were committed to unbridled consumption learn to be a giver?
  • Will the boy whose parents acted like life owed them learn to serve?

He had better if he wants marry my daughter.

How?  Thanksgiving.  The pathway from the drowning waterfall of consumption is thanksgiving.  He realizes that foremost what he was owed (judgment) is spared by God’s mercy in Jesus Christ.  Then, he learns to look around at all that he has been given and say, “thank you.”  He grows to understand that a life consuming at every turn makes you fat in every way.  But he also recognizes that discontent is creepy and crafty and that it rides along quietly in his heart.  He gets used to asking himself why he gets angry when he doesn’t get what he wants.  He starts to see the people and places and things God gives to him are opportunities for him to invest and serve and build up.

Thanksgiving is a start.  So, mom and dad, get that boy started.

The boy doesn’t…pay back evil for evil

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Who is good enough for my daughter?  Parents regularly say that only those “good enough” can date or marry our children, right?  I wonder if most of us have figured out what that means before it’s too late (e.g., bubba just rang the door bell)?  In other words, what type of boy will I let in the front door?

We continue this short series on the character qualities of the kind of boy that I want to hear ask me for my daughter’s hand.  First was, courage.  Today’s is that he shouldn’t be inclined to pay back evil for evil.

The Bible is clear enough that when it comes to vengeance or retribution, only God is expert enough to handle it.  Thankfully, this evidence is clearly stated,

Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord (Romans 12:19)

O LORD, O God of vengeance, O God of vengeance shine forth! (Psalm 94:1)

Still, we try.  Clear examples are all around us.  For many (especially boys), it’s on the ball field.  Surely the boy will find himself on what we used to call the “field of friendly strife” (i.e., athletic field).  When he does, he will be learning important lessons about life and about his place in it.  I spoke to a good friend recently about how when boys get on the field, each one is desperately trying to establish and maintain his place of prowess in light of all the rest.  Sometimes the overflow of this is seen in red cards (soccer), face-masks (football), hitting a batter (baseball) or charging (basketball).  When it happens, you can be sure that one has challenged another’s position in the rankings.  These challenges are evil.  Strictly speaking they are retributions, punishments, and vengeance-efforts.

Will a boy resort to this?

  • Will his lifestyle be one of “bowing up” or “kicking against the goads”?  Is his answer to authority to always resist and sometimes rebel?

Listen dad, you, out there, parenting that boy that will one day show up at my door.  Sure, every man has his moment but I will turn him away faster than he can say “bonehead” if his lifestyle resembles these things.  And I should and so should you.

Just why do we think God would take the time to state, illustrate and command us that He is One in charge of justice and vengeance?  Clearly, it is because we are so prone to want to be judge, jury and executioner.  As we parent our boys, do we instill in them the vengeance-ethic?  “Real men don’t take that crap.”  “Real men don’t get run over like that.”  “Men don’t get mad they get even.”  We secretly believe this slimy code of conduct and we inculcate it in our young boys.  For the sake of my daughters, don’t do it.

In a stroke of what was clearly the wisdom from above, I recently had a conversation with my son about this issue.  Of course, we started on the field of friendly strife and ventured into other fields.  Namely, what to do when you’re in the hen house and another rooster wants to fight?  Enough of the metaphor: he tackled a kid in football, the kid got up and tackled him from behind after the play.  What do we do with this?  I detected in my son a couple of response options rolling around in his head: a) quit the game to deal with the embarrassment, b) bust the kid’s head or c)??.  He was dealing with a) and c).  What does a boy do when, in the front of all of his peers, he’s the victim of a vengeful act?  What would God have him do?

(Here’s where the wisdom from above came in).  I told him that vengeance belongs to the Lord and if he were to have busted the kid’s head, that would’ve been sin.  I convinced him that leaving the field was bad for several reasons not the least of which is that the other kid’s act was sinful, and God tells us to confront sinners (Luke 17:3, Matthew 18:15, Galatians 6:1).  So, dad tells boy that next time, he turn, and confront the kid on his actions – put the ball in his hands (so to speak) – and stand there and wait to see what happens.  “Let God work on that kid’s heart” I said.  Predictably, boy asks dad, “What if he gets mad and comes after me?”  I told my little warrior that he stand firm, wrap him up and help him remember that interactions of this sort are costly for him (there were warriors in Israel, remember).

Not wanting that to be the last word then (or here), we ended on the process: play fair, confront as needed, stand firm and defend thoroughly as appropriate.

Listen, dads, if a boy shows up on my door with a battle record that reveals truth, tenacity, and self-defense, we’ll move on to other areas gladly.  If not, then he’ll be home early.